Kitchen colored

Thursday, September 20, 2012

In my twenty-somethings and trying to create myself.

"One of the horrible parts of growing up is realizing that your fundamental perception of life's truths is going to become obsolete.  The game changes, and so do the players."

As someone in her twenties, I find it difficult to fit into a prescribed niche.  I'm not the marketed-to teenager who has funds to waste and a desperation to acquire all things new and popular; the teenager who is up to date with current/popular culture.  (I must admit I have no smart phone, no apps, no tablet, no twitter, no totally awesome slang.  I don't have unlimited text or internet on my phone. I've never read an ebook or played Words with Friends... how utterly out of touch am I?).  I'm not the mature thirty-something year old who is definitely a grown-up with stuff like life insurance policies and a profound collection of paid vacation from the full time job I've has since college.  I'm somehow awkwardly in the middle of everything.  And despite my fast approach into adulthood, I am still struggling on finding my identity.

I went to college.  I had a plan.  That plan changed.  I had a baby.  I wasn't employed where I had planned to be employed.  Then I got married so young and moved into a house because it was an offer we couldn't pass up.  Then I had another baby.  And now I'm the mama hub of a family of four living on one small income, trying to make ends meet.  But never regretting the time I spend at home being a mommy.

But I still don't fit with my friends who went to college and then started working, or traveling, or just being amazing (thanks to Facebook and allowing me to spy on all the people I went to high school with and see all the really awesome things they're doing... like teaching in a foreign country... things I wish I had done... ).  And I don't fit in with the older mamas who have extensive retirement plans and worry about dieting or going to bed early.  I desperately wish I could be the perfect mama and wife and working woman, I just don't know how I'm going to do that.

This blog is about finding my way through it all. About kids and crafts and budgeting and organizing and being a mom, about eating fresh and healthy but not having to really cook anything, about maintaining a relationship with my high school sweetheart who became my husband and gave me two kids, about managing a home, making a house into our home.  It is about being in my twenties and wanting to be both an immature, uprooted, spontaneous party animal and also a focused, responsible, perfect mother who gives her children the best childhood possible.

Welcome to my niche-in-progress.

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.”  - Lewis Carroll.

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